Your bachelor party in Montreal is all booked, and all signs point to an incredible weekend, yet there is the chance of spoilers coming in the form of your best friends. Your bachelor party is like a mini sports team, when everyone is on the same page the team wins.
There is also the chance that one player makes a couple mistakes and the next thing you know you are Tony Romo bobbling a snap and losing in the NFL playoffs. Your friends can be the source of fun and or your destruction. There are a bunch of things your friends can do that can ruin your weekend and here’s a list to help you prevent your friends from fucking shit up.
THE PEANUT GALLERY
There is always the risk of having that one guy that has to have a comment on everything. He loves the peanut gallery because it gives him power and maybe he secretly hates the fact he didn’t get the nod to organize the event. He’ll complain about the hotel and the size of his bed. He’ll complain about the strippers not giving him enough attention, he’ll complain about the price. He just won’t stop the whole weekend and in most cases pisses everyone off.
This fella can also be contagious, he’ll spread his grievances and at times he may convince others that he is right. Starting to smell like a mutiny rather than a stag party. If your bachelor party gets divided it has already failed.
The peanut gallery will always have an answer for everything and proclaim his opinions as to the best there can be. He will claim he partied in Montreal years ago and thinks the crew should head over to the nightclub L’Action in St. Leonard. It’s been closed for ten years, but he knows better right?
You might think the best way to deal with him is to ignore him but like I mentioned earlier you can’t ignore contagions. You need to pull him aside because you don’t want to cause a scene. You’re a bunch of adults, therefore, deal with it like one. Talk to him and tell him to relax with the constant criticism because nobody wants to hear it, especially the groom. Remind the fucker that this event isn’t all about him and to trust you. Tell him you hired us and that we know what we are doing. We live in Montreal; we know what’s what and you don’t need his advice. He might not like what he is hearing, and he might feel resentment but at least you put him in his place. If that fails, tie him up and hide him in a closet. If the groom asks where he is, tell him he is at the hotel with explosive diarrhea.
THE SHIT DISTURBER
I don’t know about you but when I meet up with my large group of friends, we kind of turn back into our teenage or younger selves. Everyone is excited for the bachelor party and wants to have a good time all weekend. Of course, there has to be the shit disturber, the wise ass, the brat who just wants to break everyone’s balls including the general public, He is the kind of guy that will yell out “he is lying” at customs just for a laugh.
He is a risk to the weekend because of his exuberance and trouble might follow. The shit disturber is always the guy who thinks he can beat up the bouncers at the strip club. He’ll pick fights with a random group of guys because he is confident the crew will back his ass up when fists fly. This isn’t why you came to Montreal; you want to drink and touch some boobs, not recreate Street Fighter.
You need to reel the shit disturber in because hell, who knows, maybe one of his pranks might piss off the wrong guy in the crew. Again, a divided party is a failed one. Here’s the thing: the shit disturber knows how to play the game, he’ll argue he is just having fun and is trying to liven things up. There is nothing wrong with fooling around in itself, but you need to set boundaries!
I would assign one of your crew to become his guardian angel to watch over him. It kind of sucks to impose that onto someone but risking the entire bachelor party for one dude isn’t worth it.
THE DRUNKEN MESS
This issue is the most common occurrence at any bachelor party. Even the strongest and best drinkers in your crew will slip up at times. Overdrinking is usually directly connected to excitement and takes place on your first day in Montreal. Hanging out with an insane drunk person is no fun especially at a strip club where you want to attract the strippers and not scare them away.
These over the top drunks are loud, obnoxious and clumsy which raise red flags for anyone around you. Do you really think a doorman at the nightclub will let the party in if you’re carrying a corpse or if someone in your crew can barely stand? No, it won’t happen and even we can’t help you with that. If one of your boys does get that royally fucked up, send him home. It sucks but you cannot sacrifice the needs of the many for the one drunk who can’t handle the booze. You’ll avoid causing scenes and fights too.
It will be difficult to stop your buds from drinking and you don’t want to be a watch dog either. Remind them when you can to have some water or just don’t offer them shots especially when they aren’t looking. Don’t throw gas on the fire and remind the others to do the same. Do your homework and know who the guys are most likely to go overboard, remind them about their last shitty experience beforehand. If they are decent humans, they won’t want to repeat their past digressions and hopefully will take care of themselves.
THE CHEAPSKATE
Nothing is more annoying than having a bachelor party with Scrooge as one of your guests. This miser will demand invoices for all the events you booked as if he works for the IRS. He will question your choices and suggest cheaper alternatives so he can save ten dollars on transportation. I mean why take the party bus filled with strippers when you can take a public bus filled with strangers and luggage from the airport. I mean you could save so much money.
Nah, that’s not the mentality you want to have at your bachelor in Montreal. You want to go big and enjoy yourselves. No one wants to do accounting with a calculator in hand while Deborah the stripper is twerking on their lap. If you know beforehand this buddy won’t spend, don’t invite him. If you absolutely must invite him, tell him he won’t have anything to drink or participate in any activities and just stay at the hotel because no one will cover his cheap ass. Get the money upfront from the whole crew because with the money in hand the cheapskate can never hold back.
